The biggest key to social success for your family

The embarrassment of watching your child uncomfortably slinking behind your back as you try to introduce them to guests has become an all too familiar scenario over the years. As you prepare for the upcoming holiday parties, you might be wondering how you will navigate the rocky terrain of trying to get your child to become more socially engaged without the constant nudging, fighting and occasional bribes you throw in to motivate them. Even with all this cajoling, your caring efforts might seem futile. This holiday season, using the simple and fun strategies below, rewrite the success of future gatherings for your kids with just one word... Preparation!

1. Build Anticipation: A child who feels forced into social situations will likely be a sullen one. One way to curb it and encourage gregariousness in your children, is to get them excited about the upcoming party by talking about it regularly. It is especially important that you talk about it in the context of what interests them. It could be the yummy deserts they love, which of their friends that are coming, the surprise game you created for them to play or mentioning an invited guest who has the biggest Star Wars collection your son would love to meet!

2. Make them a Star: Go a step further and incorporate your children's gifts into some of the preparations of your party. If your adolescent daughter likes music, have her compile the party playlist and be the DJ for the party. Create and put up the party decorations together as a family, showcasing their unique talents. During the party, mention who made what to guests as they compliment you. The more your children feel like an integral part of hosting the party, the more they will feel good about themselves and look forward to more social engagements.

3. Small but Mighty Steps: If your son is particularly shy, it is better to have him participate in welcoming some of the guests and not all of them. Doing this will moderate his level of overwhelm and will ensure that his ability to socialize well, lasts the length of the party. Introduce him to people he has things in common with so that he connects safely with them in smaller groups. As he gains social confidence there, he will be more apt to socialize in larger unknown circles.

4. Play Pretend: Talk to your kids about the power they have to affect positive well-being in others when they are brave enough to speak to them. Play the 'I wonder' game where you enact how it feels when people talk to or ignore you. In the game, the kids are the guests at the door while the parents are the hosts. The parents demonstrate unfriendly behavior at the door and then ask how the kids felt when they were greeted unkindly. Then the parents replay it with a warm welcome and again discuss with the kids how they felt when they were greeted well. This demonstration helps the kids become more confident that they can serve others well just by taking the first step towards a conversation.

5. Friendly Feedback: After the party, make it a point to chat with your kids about the party. Mention specific things you noticed like how your daughter was particularly helpful with another shy little girl or how impressed a guest was with your son's interest in science fiction. Acknowledge their efforts in connecting with the guests and ask them they how felt about it. In all these discussions you are empowering your children to take a more proactive role in social gatherings to come.

Finally, the biggest key to social success for your family is eliminating a critical tone and replacing it with a supportive one. Have fun while talking about and doing with all these activities with them. The more your children feel accepted and comfortable with your expectations, the more they will venture out confidently during this festive season!!


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